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Andrew Told Me to Post About This

  • Sep. 5th, 2007 at 6:54 AM

I have stopped getting Google Alerts.
Google Alerts are these crazy things that tell you (sort of) when your book's name or your name comes up on the web.
It can be a good thing.
It can be a very bad thing.

Lately it's become a really, really bad thing.

Tell us why Carrie.

Okay, Grover. Just because you are so darn cute and blue and furry, I will.

Lately Google Alerts coming to my email about my book TIPS ON HAVING A GAY (ex) BOYFRIEND have been coming through saying a line of a review and a website. I click. The website takes me to... I don't know, Grover. Should I really tell?

Yes, Carrie, do tell.

Okay. It's been taking me to porn sites.

Do not worry, Carrie! I, Super Grover, and I, Scary Flasher Grover, will save you from this horrible thing.

I know, Grover, I wish you would! And it's not taking me to just any porn sites, and it's not even taking me to gay porn sites which would seem more appropiate, but it's sent me to really hard-core horrible stuff. Do not worry, I clicked off my computer right away.

But, I guess, my points are:

1. I feel kind of violated. There was nothing to indicate that these sites were naughty. And they were really, really naughty.
2. That makes me worried about other people somehow getting there.
3. My poor editor guy, Andrew, gets Google Alerts and it happened to him, too.
4. I feel like that Dateline NBC man is going to come to my computer and say, "You were on an Internet porn site for 1.2 seconds before you screamed, shut it off and sprayed yourself with an entire bottle of Lysol Disinfectant spray. Why did you go there? Why? And don't give me that Google Alerts line. We've heard it before.
5. I can't help but wonder what sweet Grover would think if he knew what I accidentally saw. Please forgive me, Grover. I knew not what I did.

Oh, Carrie. Do you really think I, Grover, have a problem with this? Really... C'mon. Do you?

Comments

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[info]breckinwood wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 11:23 am (UTC)
Oh, hugs!
Some people just HAVE to ruin things for others, don't they?
Go look at something beautiful for a while, and think about good things, and reread the reviews by your friends. Probably won't make you totally forget, but it might lessen the shock of it.
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[info]carriejones wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 12:27 pm (UTC)
Thanks. It's pretty crazy and graphic.
I'll go gaze at my puppy or the river or something. Good idea!
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[info]dotificus wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 11:53 am (UTC)
Holy cow!
*shudders*

That's sickening. Also, surprising. Is this because your book has the word gay in the title, do you think, or do they do this randomly? Ugh. The internet at its ugly worst.

(you made me laugh with your entire bottle of Lysol)
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[info]carriejones wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 12:28 pm (UTC)
Re: Holy cow!
I have no idea! At first I thought it was because of the word "gay" but the pictures I saw before I quicky shut down my browser were straight. I have dial-up, so to make it worse, I'd walked away from the computer and then came back to eight (out of 16 I think) pictures.

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[info]goadingthepen wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 12:03 pm (UTC)
I can so feel your pain! I have images etched in that ought not be there, all thanks to google. Mine, I must admit came at my own stupidity! Never google images with your teenage son and his girlfriend. Even if you are just looking for "hot" men hair cuts! Let me rephrase. ESPECIALLY if you are looking for "hot" men's haircuts!

Really I am not that Naive....So where was my head that day?
I think I broke the hinge on my laptop for slamming it shut so fast. I must say I have marvelous reflexes. Just not marvelous enough to spare the etchings. I like the Lysol plan!

Sheri
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[info]carriejones wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 12:29 pm (UTC)
Oh! That's so funny. But I'm sorry for you. I think avoiding the word "hot" is always a good idea.

I'll have to mail you an extra bottle of Lysol.
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[info]ericberlin wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 12:22 pm (UTC)
I wrote a play in college that still gets produced now and again. The title contains the consecutive words "Thousand Babes." This, too, has become rather difficult to Google. I've learned a few tricks that help me avoid the nastiest sites, but I still occasionally get, um, surprised. Had I but known that this whole "Internet" thing would exist one day, I would have titled the thing something else.
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[info]carriejones wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 12:30 pm (UTC)
Can you imagine what would happen if you had Google Alerts set up for that one? Whenever I've just googled Tips I've never had a problem.

That's a great name for a play though.
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[info]sbennettwealer wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 12:29 pm (UTC)
Snerk. You are funneh.
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[info]carriejones wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 12:31 pm (UTC)
Funneh and sahd.
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[info]lkmadigan wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 01:01 pm (UTC)
Uck.
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[info]carriejones wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 01:39 pm (UTC)
It's so ucky it's pretty unbelievable.
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[info]jbknowles wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 01:12 pm (UTC)
OK then. See? One more reason Google Alerts are evil.

Holly Black is a wise woman.

Turn them off!!!

:-)
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[info]carriejones wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 01:39 pm (UTC)
Holly Black is a genius, obviously. I mean I already knew that:

1. Because of her books.
2. Because she told you not to GOOGLE ALERT.

I am never Google Alerting again.
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[info]newport2newport wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 01:13 pm (UTC)
Blergh. I hate this sort of thing, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with it.

When my kids were younger, they had a Talk 'n Play, a cassette recorder with talking books that gave kids prompts to push colored buttons. My sons' favorite was Grover's PLEASE, DO NOT PUSH THE RED BUTTON. It was hilarious and, as you might guess, the real point was to get kids TO push the red button. Oh, the naughtiness -- Grover would say, "Please, do not push the red button!" and of course, they would, and then they'd dissolve into giggles when Grover acted all exasperated. Do you see where I'm going with this? PLEASE, DO NOT PUSH THE RED BUTTON.
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[info]carriejones wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 01:40 pm (UTC)
That is a brilliant example. I will listen to Grover. I will stay away from ALL RED BUTTONS and I won't check out the MONSTER AT THE END OF THIS BOOK either.
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[info]marybethkelsey wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 01:17 pm (UTC)
Geesh! Now I know the downside to Google alerts.

Sorry you had to put up with that. Good that you have Grover on your side, though. (btw, Grover is my very most favorite muppet!)

x0x0x
mb
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[info]carriejones wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 01:41 pm (UTC)
I think it's Grover's belly. It's just so huggable.
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[info]jemacleod wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 01:31 pm (UTC)
Evil google alerts...(okay I do it too, so far no porn thank God)

Very ewww.


Janet
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[info]carriejones wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 01:41 pm (UTC)
It's addictive really. Oh, wait I was talking about Google Alerts, not porn.
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[info]jmprince wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 01:35 pm (UTC)
That's really quite disturbing.
But, you took the edge off by presenting the problem using my all-time favorite muppet.
I heart Grover!
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[info]carriejones wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 01:42 pm (UTC)
I think we should start an I HEART GROVER group.
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[info]mostly_irish wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 01:48 pm (UTC)
This is terrible! I think you should let Grover unleash his wrath on those naughty interwebs. I can't even fathom how that could happen???
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[info]jenniferechols wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 01:54 pm (UTC)
LMAO but especially when I read your post in Grover voice. The Google Alerts are the one psychologically paralyzing thing I have never done to myself as an author.
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[info]onegrapeshy wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 01:57 pm (UTC)
You don't suppose the word GAY has anything to do with it? Teehee.
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[info]sarah_prineas wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 02:14 pm (UTC)
Ow. How sucky. Why's it happening, do you think?
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[info]fabulousfrock wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 02:27 pm (UTC)
I'm guessing that the porn sites have a bunch of vaguely sexual words coded in them to attract Googlers far and wide, and the word "gay" probably brought them up even though they aren't gay sites. I've seen this happen before.

I once went to use a library computer and saw more about what an Asian woman can do with a man's equipment than I ever wanted to know. OMG, I don't care what people want to look at on the internet at home, but stay out of the sacred space that is The Library, especially if you can't bother to close the site afterward.
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[info]lisaalbert wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 02:58 pm (UTC)
If this is true, I hope you alerted the library staff! Most libraries have blocks on their systems to prevent x-rated material AND they keep track of who is signed in on their computers.

Mentioning nationality is unnecessary and might be offensive to some of your friends. (I'm just sayin')

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(no subject) - [info]fabulousfrock - Sep. 5th, 2007 03:13 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]carriejones - Sep. 5th, 2007 03:21 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]lisaalbert - Sep. 5th, 2007 03:35 pm (UTC) Expand
[info]kbaccellia wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 02:38 pm (UTC)
Jeez, Carrie! I love your Glover posts( even though I'm an Elmo fan myself!)

I know what you mean about the porn stuff. Earrings has been getting on some of those sites too. Some really disgusting sites. It really makes me angry that these creeps do this.

Carrie, don't let this stop your posts. Your blog is almost guaranteed to place a smile on my face early in the morning. You're hilarious! And I know others agree.

Now I need to go out and buy your book. If your book is anything like your blogs, it should be a riot!
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[info]carriejones wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 03:15 pm (UTC)
Oh, I think you'll be disappointed. The book has funny parts but it's not a funny book. You can still buy it though! Wink. Wink.
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[info]lisaalbert wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 02:46 pm (UTC)
What a bummer that you were led to that site! Creepy!

I use Google Alerts and use quotation marks around the phrase/title I'm looking for. Try that and it'll eliminate alerts for everything out there that may have "boyfriend" or "gay" in it.

That Flasher Grover had my LOLing!! Ha!
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[info]carriejones wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 03:13 pm (UTC)
Actually, I do have quotes around the title and everything.
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(no subject) - [info]lisaalbert - Sep. 5th, 2007 03:30 pm (UTC) Expand
[info]seaheidi wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 02:57 pm (UTC)
well, first of all, i'm thrilled your alter-ego grover has taken over the scene so nicelyl and feels so comfortable in the spotlight--secondly, i don't know why carrie jones google alert would take you to porn unless there's a porn actress w/ your name--is this the case?
creepy creepy creepy
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[info]carriejones wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 03:14 pm (UTC)
There is a porn actress with my name. But this was a google alert for TIPS, and the first lines of the alert read: "Tips on Having a Gay (Ex) Boyfriend by Carrie Jones - Book Review Tips on Having a Gay (Ex) Boyfriend Book review, brought to you by. ..."

Grover is very happy to be in the spotlight, I think.
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(no subject) - [info]seaheidi - Sep. 5th, 2007 03:20 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]carriejones - Sep. 5th, 2007 03:24 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]seaheidi - Sep. 5th, 2007 03:27 pm (UTC) Expand
[info]kellyrfineman wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 03:14 pm (UTC)
I am sorry to hear about your adventures in porn. But seriously? You're a grown-ass woman, and you could go there and hang out and it'd be allowed. Really.

I do not believe that Grover has an issue with it. I'm sorry you're title's been misappropriated. And I'm guessing that Andrew could send them cease & desist notices and it might get some of them taken down.
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[info]carriejones wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 03:24 pm (UTC)
It wasn't the kind of porn Grover would want me to see, all grown-up and all. It was nasty, nasty, nasty porn. And I'm not going to go all into nasty vs. non-nasty porn, or what constitutes porn or whether it should be illegal or not, but it was pretty obvious once I was there that there were no book reviews on that website and that's part of why it just felt so wrong.

I think you're right about Grover. I think he probably liked it.
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[info]thatgirlygirl wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 03:37 pm (UTC)
ROTFLOL!!!!!
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[info]robinellen wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 04:13 pm (UTC)
Ack! I don't know what else to say, so I'll say it again -- ACK!
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[info]parkerpeevy wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 04:26 pm (UTC)
I am laughing so hard, but also I am feeling very bad for you. Ick! That's just awful. But you make it so funny.
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[info]sookie06 wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 04:47 pm (UTC)
Oh lord. This is why the internet is a scary place (or like Chris Rock said. if the internet was an actual place, it wouldn't be a place you'd want to visit).
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[info]piratefanatic wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 05:16 pm (UTC)
1. Google Alerts are evil.

2. Somewhere, hiding in the mess of server computers and wires and bits of technology far beyond my comprehension that all make up the Giant Google Empire, there's a little purple and green alien.

3. This is not a cute alien. Oh, no. This is the Evil Google Alerts Alien Dude (hereafter known by his proper name, EGAAD). This little guy thinks up diabolically cruel search results to throw at innocent authors and editors just when they're least expecting it.

5. Unfortunately, EGAAD has developed an immunity to all know Evil Alien-icides.

6. But don't give up hope yet, for there may be a method of eradicating this EGAAD! The Radical Editor and Author Defender is working on a plan to put a halt to all the evil doings of EGAAD.

7. Plan is not finished yet. I'm sure READ will announce to the world when his workings are complete.

8. But for now, READ suggests staying far, far away from Google Alerts.

9. And hiring Grover as a bodyguard.
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[info]piratefanatic wrote:
Sep. 5th, 2007 05:17 pm (UTC)
READ would also like to note that the number 4 has recently aligned itself with EGAAD and because of this, the number 4 will no longer be used in the formation of lists.
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(no subject) - [info]carriejones - Sep. 5th, 2007 07:23 pm (UTC) Expand
(no subject) - [info]piratefanatic - Sep. 10th, 2007 02:40 am (UTC) Expand
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